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marvel-snape-writes · 4 months ago

Note

hii i found your work recently and i love it so much!! would you be interested in continuing the storyline of the solo snape one-shot and writing one about him and the mirror of erised?

Infatuated Reflections Plagued By Self-loathing

Severus Snape x 🤫female character🤫/The Mirror of Erised

5.7k+ words

18+ solo smut 🤭

Thank you to the person who requested this! I hope you enjoy it, and I hope that the rollercoaster of emotions does your request the justice it deserves! 😊🫶

You’d have thought that for someone who was so often described as ‘an overgrown bat’ that nightfall would have been his favourite time of day, but not for Severus Snape. In reality, he hated when the day was over, the marking was done, and he had no other vices to drown out his own thoughts. The tossing and turning in his bed was often as a result of this. Though, albeit more often than he’d like to admit, he would sometimes think about how it must feel to spend the night with someone, rather than by himself. Not even necessarily for any fooling around, more for the company. Someone to hold, perhaps, or even someone to be held by. He knew he would be far too nervous, far too out of his depth, even, in order to hint at anything more. But just to have someone to carry him through the loneliness, that he couldn't deny he had wished for now and then.

Right now, he was sat at his desk and still trying to find different ways in which to procrastinate making the journey from his armchair to his bed. He couldn't put his finger on why, but tonight he felt a mixture of loneliness and a slight twinge of uneasiness in the pit of his stomach. Perhaps the company he was longing for tonight was something more along the lines of affection than just another body to lay to the side of in silence. His chin rested on the palm of his hand with his elbow bent on the table as he pondered into the gentle flicker of his desk candle how exactly could he get what he so craved whilst avoiding the embarrassment of speaking or bumping into a single person. He concluded only one answer: taking a visit to The Mirror of Erised.

‘Don’t be so absurd’, was the first internal voice of response. He stared down at the neatly stacked pieces of paper upon his desk and let out a deep sigh through his hooked nose. ‘You want company, you do not wish to be a burden, you do not wish for embarrassment. It is the only way’, a different voice then continued as his lip twitched, ‘Go’.

“Can I bring the mirror back to bed with me?” He asked out loud into the silence, his mind tampering with the slightly seducing reflections he may see in the mirror if it really did show the depths his desires would go on rare occasions.

There were few things he hated more than feeling like this. Very rarely he would let himself to give in to his own desires. Very rarely he would allow himself to even entertain the idea. On the rare occasion he did, it would be over in a flash; whether that be because of the self-loathed feeling of embarrassment he would bring upon himself for letting it come to that point where he had no choice except to chase his own release, or whether it was because the times between allowing pleasure into his life were so far apart that once he started, it only took a few minor strokes to reach his craved result; the hot, sticky blobs landing upon him almost as white as his own skin.

He could feel the frustration beginning to grow. It bubbled from the pit of his stomach and sent tingles down his thighs, clenching his fists a few times whilst swallowing hard. The times where he craved company that went further than just to have another person’s presence with him were what he’d fear the most. Not knowing how long it was going to last or how he would deal with it. Whether he would dare to allow himself to go through with the inevitable when it got too painful to even sleep. The feeling, the urges would come in waves. To him, they were more likened to waves of nausea — or should he say, they were about just as unwelcome as feeling nauseous. However, the way that one would ‘feel better’ after having thrown up after a long time of feeling sick, this was the same way he felt after he had given in to his own desires; not happy necessarily, certainly not proud, maybe a little relieved, but mostly just glad it was over.

Begrudgingly, he stood up from his armchair and brushed his hands down the front of his buttoned pyjama shirt. He pushed his chair back into his desk and glanced around the room to try and decide what would result in less speculation or questions if he were to be caught walking the corridors after hours. He was comfortable in his black bedclothes, but he definitely didn't have the confidence to be walking down the halls in them. His go-to solution was to grab his cloak and wrap it around his shoulders — and as much of his body as possible without looking completely ridiculous.

He stood by his chamber door for a few moments, one hand fixed on the handle and one pushing through his hair as he had a few last minute hesitations about going to find The Mirror of Erised. What would someone say if they saw him? What story would he make up? What if someone was in front of the mirror already? The thoughts took over his mind for several moments and he sighed deeply, taking one glance back at his empty bed before making the final decision to go ahead with the plan to at least attempt to fill his loneliness.

Thankfully, the corridors were quiet, or quiet enough at least to be able to hear if anyone else was coming in any other direction. Knowing exactly what to do and where to go in order to find The Mirror of Erised irritated him a little as he was hoping by the time it was in view, his desires may have calmed. They hadn’t.

As he saw the mirror in the distance, he pondered for a short while if this would be worth it at all. Would it make him feel even worse if he couldn't even converse with whatever would be standing in front of him? He stepped closer to it. What if he could cast a spell and make it talk? Or would that make it even worse?

He grumbled to himself as he approached the mirror and stood at the side of it, still in absolute disbelief that he had allowed himself to come this far. He pulled his cloak around him a little bit tighter as if for some sort of comfort — for the first time in a long time he actually felt a bit nervous. As he side stepped a little closer to the mirror, still not yet in front of it, he thought of all the possibilities that could be reflected; Which would it choose? Out of all the things in Severus Snape’s ‘ideal world’, which, in this exact moment in time, would The Mirror of Erised select as his most his desired?

He felt his heart race at the thought of the several possible outcomes and was unable to even move his feet, almost as if they had been glued to the floor. Often coming across as being so sure of himself and his actions, he was not familiar with this sudden anxiety surrounding the idea of standing in front of a mirror. He knew deep down it was because he was afraid of seeing for himself what it was that he really wanted, because if he could see it, then he knew it was real, and delving into his own thoughts and feelings and putting himself and his own desires first was something he hadn't done for years.

He took a deep breath and lifted one of his feet in order to step in front of the mirror before stopping himself in the process as he had a sudden thought; what if he were to cast the potential ‘talking’ spell on the mirror before standing in front of it? That way, if he didn't like what he saw, he could at least threaten whoever was on the other side with something if they didn't promise to keep tonight and his helplessness a secret.

He pulled his wand out of his pocket and gestured it toward the mirror, muttering the first thing that came into his head. He lowered his arm and placed his wand back into his pocket, waiting a few moments in complete silence. The breath he drew this time was even deeper than the one before, genuinely afraid of what he may discover next. His heart thumping in his chest and his hands growing sweaty, he took his first step in front of the mirror. Afraid to look at the image in front of him, his eyes instinctively closed once he was in line with it.

Just open them, Severus. Whatever you see, it is not real, he told himself, already embarrassed with how pathetic he felt. He calmed his breathing and swallowed hard, opening his eyes with a slight squint at first before opening them fully. To his surprise — or relief — there wasn't anything in the reflection of the mirror other than darkness. He couldn't even see himself. Not that he and his self-loathing was upset about it. He let out a shaky breath and stared directly at it, trying his best to focus on if there was anything he was missing. He arched a brow and sighed in defeat.

You can’t even stare into a mirror right, he grumbled inside his head, pulling his cloak around him tightly again and turning away from the mirror. He began to walk back to the door and pressed his lips together hard, unsure of if he was more angry or disappointed in himself. Even the mirror didn't have anything to offer him. Only seeing his own reflection? He knew there was a reason why he had never used the mirror for himself. What could a cold, reserved man possibly desire?

Already dreading who he would potentially bump into down the corridors back to his chamber, he placed his hand on the handle of the door to leave the room. The mirror was facing away from him now, his back toward the room, and he couldn't wait to pretend he had never even tried to communicate with it. He twisted the handle and began to pull it open, scowling to himself until he heard a voice from behind him speak into the empty room, “Severus, wait…”

The gentle voice shook him to his core, placing his free hand flat upon the wall at the side of the doorframe to try and steady himself. For a moment he convinced himself that he had imagined it, but the same gentle tone called for him again. His lips parted and he felt a shiver run down his spine, his fingertips now turning white from how hard they were pressed against the wall. His heart rate intensified wildly as he turned around and began walking back toward the mirror.

Once again, he approached the front of it with his eyes closed, still not fully convinced that his spell had worked. Had he made the mirror say what he craved most rather than showing him? Gradually, he opened his eyes again to find his answer. His head was dipped when his eyes opened fully, seeing only dainty feet. It was as his eyes trailed further up herbody that he felt himself dizzy with impossibility. Whether the reflection could speak to him or not, he found himself absolutely speechless. His eyes welled as he felt genuine emotion surge through his body for the first time in longer than he could even remember.

“I- It can’t be…” His voice trembled, bringing one of his hands to his mouth and speaking into it, “C-Can’t…”

His head shook as his eyes met the reflection in the mirror. Instead of seeing himself with what he apparently most desired, he only saw her alone. But that was enough. If he had seen himself with her after all these years, he was convinced he would've collapsed in an instant. She looked older, though she still had all the same familiarities he was so used to gazing upon in his youth. Still convinced that he was seeing things, he took a step closer. The slim figure in the mirror moved with him, shocking him to the point of stumbling backward a little and struggling to keep his balance. He desperately reached to a nearby table to try and stabilise himself, feeling himself growing more and more lightheaded by the second.

“Just take a breath,” She said, her eyes following him from the mirror, “Compose yourself,” The softness of her voice made him tingle, “Everything is going to be okay.”

“You’re not here,” He shook his head manically, covering his face with his hands as he leant back against the table, “You are not here.”

“Look at me and tell me I’m not, Severus.” She replied.

Severus slowly lowered his hands from his face again and tried not to act so startled this time when he was met with her reflection yet again. He swallowed hard and exhaled deeply. She was every bit of stunning that he remembered. Even more so, actually. Now she looked a similar age to him, he could begin to imagine what life would have been like — could have been like. But that thought made his eyes well even more.

“How are you, Severus?” She asked in a gentle tone.

“Oh, that used to be such a simple question to answer…” Severus laughed weakly, his hands trembling madly as he dared to look her reflection in the eyes again.

“Well, you’re here,” She shrugged, “Living, breathing—”

“Barely,” Severus swallowed the lump in his throat, “I’d say more just existing.”

“Oh, Severus…” It was only two words but the way she said it earned a singular tear to run down his cheek. The caring, tender tone made him feel as if she had reached out her hand caressed it. He looked up at her reflection helplessly, catching his lip between his teeth when it began to quiver.

“I can't…” He inhaled shakily, “B—Believe it…”

His chest physically pained from what was in front of him, still only half believing it was true.

“What is it?” She asked, narrowing her eyebrows empathetically and speaking again when Severus failed to do so, “I cannot leave if I am what you desire the most. That's the rules. The mirror can't lie.”

Severus nodded uneasily, mumbling under his breath, “I do not deserve to desire,” He shrugged simply, “Wherever you are, I just hope you’re happy,” He swallowed the growing lump in his throat, “Whatever that means.”

“You deserve more than anyone to desire, Severus,” She smiled softly, “A man who has prevented himself from such feelings for so long.”

Severus’ lip twitched, now staring at his feet.

“It is only natural to—”

“Be weak and give in to it?” Severus asked, arching a brow.

“Do not think of it as giving in, think more that you are allowing yourself to feel.” She smiled kindly.

Severus felt himself go strangely numb and electric at the same time. His breathing became jittery and he was struggling to try and figure out what exactly it was that she meant. It wasn't that he didn't feel anything, it was more that he felt everything all at once; shock, sadness, happiness, helpless, regret, heartbreak, loneliness, that so-called desire she spoke of, aroused, even, and when he raised his head to look at her again, justified for all of the above.

“I won't tell if you don't, Severus.” She whispered.

“I-I’m sorry?” Severus widened his eyes.

Before he knew it, his mouth was as wide as his eyes. He watched in awe as she began to undress in front of him in the mirror, half not thinking he was worthy to witness such beauty, half being in so much awe he was unable to bring his eyes away. She stopped once she got to her underwear and left those items of clothing on, looking back into his eyes now. Severus’ eyes quickly diverted, however, now shyly looking at the floor

“For heavens sake, just do what every fibre of your being is telling you to,” She stood now with her hand on her hip, “Take a look.”

Severus’ breathing grew heavier, afraid of what would become of him if he looked at her properly.

“For me?” She bit her lip.

He took a shaky breath and lifted his head, “I…” He swallowed hard.

“Deserve to stop putting off your own desires?” She finished for him.

“I haven't had single desire in my life since the day you...” He began to admit, though couldn't finish the sentence, so only exhaled a sad sigh.

“That is absurd, Severus.” She shook her head.

“I have been afraid to open myself and love again because I fear the loss of it,” He forced himself to look into her eyes, “Because of the loss I felt when I lost you.” His voice was shaky, unsure of whether he felt more or less pathetic admitting this to a reflection in a mirror rather than an actual human being.

“We cannot never love again in fear of loss, Severus,” She frowned, “Otherwise we would never love again.”

“That is the point.” His words were spoken with a slightly sharper tongue this time, “In reality, your death barely happens to you at all, it happens to your friends and family. They’re the ones who feel it. They're the ones who have to deal with it. Day in, day out. Nothing but pain and sadness, nothing but—”

“Severus, Severus!” She butted in, in an attempt to stop him digging himself a deeper hole, “I am here right now, aren't I? The one thing you desire the most? The one telling you that it is okay to have desires and lust. It is completely natural to have a burning want for something and go ahead and allow yourself to feel it,” Their eyes met in the mirror again, “Why is it yourself that you are so unforgiving?”

“Why do you insist on staying and breaking my heart?” He spoke with the most pained expression on his face.

“This is me telling you that it is okay. What is it that you want from me, permission to give in to what you crave the most?” She asked.

“Yes!” Severus practically pleaded, his eyes burning with threat of bursting into tears.

HERE

He watched as the image in the mirror reached behind, unclasping her bra and dropping it carelessly to the floor whilst not even breaking eye contact for a moment, “Is that enough?”

Severus’ body shivered from head to toe at the image before him. His eyes twitched. His lips twitched. His cock twitched. He swore he could even hear his heartbeat. Even though she wasn't real, even though she was just a reflection, the effect she was having upon him that once felt like a sin now felt so natural. It was as if her permission had allowed him to feel this way. As if that was all he ever needed in order to allow himself pleasure in anything after her death.

“Fuck…” He muttered under his breath as cock stirred in his underwear, unable to tear his eyes off the image in front of him. Hesitantly, he placed his hand over his crotch and inhaled sharply when he felt the obvious bump.

“Too scared to see the damage, Severus?” She taunted him through the mirror.

“You—”

“And don't even think about blaming me,” She snapped quickly, “This is all inside your head, not mine.”

Severus’ lips pressed together — he was far too aroused at this point to argue. Even if it would be arguing with a reflection in a mirror. He felt like he was having an out-of-body-experience. His palm brushed back and forth over the bump in the front of his pyjama bottoms and he swallowed hard, feeling the temperature in his body rise. The instinct to chase his arousal had hit him like a ton of bricks; he wanted it, needed it, and had been instructed to do so by the only person who could command him to do anything.

“Is this you giving in to your desires, Severus?” She asked, biting her lip from the view.

“Giving in to you,” He inhaled shakily, “Always giving in to you.”

“Show me.” She whispered.

Severus felt a shiver all the way down to the tip of his cock from her tone of voice and pushed his hand into the front of his pyjamas, then boxers. He could feel himself throb from the simple motion of just brushing his fingertips over the bare skin. For the first time in a long time, he showed barely any hesitation as he wrapped his hand around his cock completely, gently giving himself some slow strokes as his body adjusted to this rare form of pleasure.

“Y…” He squeaked as he watched her topless reflection, “You…”

“Feast upon the image to your hearts content, Severus,” She pressed her hands against the sides of her breasts and pushed them together, “If my permission is what it took to allow a little only natural pleasure into your life, it’s all yours.”

“All… mine…” He breathed out, the thought alone making his body ache with want. His wrist also ached from the restriction his clothing was giving him as he continued to stroke his length up and down.

“Do you like the thought of that?” She asked, tilting her head.

“Fuck, yes.” He nodded quickly.

“I told you to show me.” Her eyes gestured to his hand moving back and forth in the front of his pants.

Severus inhaled sharply, his eyes remaining completely fixated to hers as he pushed down the front of his pyjama pants and boxers. He moaned quietly at the new freedom of his wrist, but it still wasn't enough. He pushed the waistband of both items of clothing down so that they were set below his hips, allowing his pulsating length and aching balls to be completely free and on show. His mouth continued to gape as his hand wrapped around the base of his cock, squeezing himself gently before starting to stroke it up and down again, bringing himself even closer to the mirror.

“That’s it, Severus,” The reflection cooed, “Chase that feeling you've been denying yourself for all this time.”

He reached out a shaky hand and placed it against the boarder of the mirror, helping steady himself as he stood with parted legs. His fist slid up and down with ease, perhaps a little bit too much ease, but this situation was playing with his head in more ways than one. Usually, on the scarce occasions he found himself with his hand wrapped around his cock, his eyes would be closed in order to flood his head with images that would get him off the fastest, but now his eyes remained open. Those images were right in front of him. His eyes took their time in tracing every detail of her bare body, the only item left upon her being her bottom underwear. The fact that is was exactly how he had imagined her to be, exactly what he dreamed to have and hold each night he closed his eyes; beautifully aged, just how he always pictured she would be. His eyes settling upon her breasts earned a particular throb from his cock, urging him to speed his hand up. Her eyes followed his and he let out several soft whimpers, his lips still parted as precum leaked into his fist, making the movements even slicker. He was completely and utterly mesmerised by her reflection.

He wanted to reach out and touch her. Every inch of her, skin on skin. He craved it. He had never seen such beauty like this so close. Sure, he had dreamed of growing old with her and being able to hold her at every stage of aging life, but he never thought he would get this close. So close, but yet so far. So out of reach, but such a stunning reflection before him. It was like turning torture into art.

“Agh, shit…” He grunted when he purposely brushed his hand under the head of his cock with a little more pressure a couple of times. He rolled onto his tiptoes and felt his entire body shudder in pleasure.

“Are you sure you want to chase the ending that fast, Severus?” Asked the mirror.

“Wh-Wha…” His heavy gaze lifted to hers.

“You don't want it to be over so quickly, do you?” She spoke softly, “Not after how long you've just gone without it,” Her eyes glanced down to his pumping fist for a brief moment, “Savour it.”

One hand stayed against the boarder around the mirror and the other remained around his cock, breathing heavily as his movements slowed down. Instead, he tapped his fingertip against the tip of his length and inhaled shakily when he saw the string of precum attached between them. He whimpered manically as he spread the stickiness around the head of his cock and narrowed his eyebrows, pressing his lips firmly together to try and not make a sound. After a few moments, he wrapped his fist a little looser around himself and parted his legs slightly more. He let go and glanced down at his stubborn arousal, lightly tracing a sticky finger back and forth over the prominent vein bulging against his skin.

“Oh, oh, ohhh…” He hissed through clenched teeth, but he couldn't take it for long; before he knew it, his fist was back around him fully again, though loose enough still to allow swift movements.

“Are you going to fuck your hand and pretend it's mine?” The reflection asked, biting her lip as her eyes fell to his hand again, “Pretend it's me?”

His free hand now lay flat against the border of the mirror and he took a deep, shaky breath. His eyes met with hers and he began to slowly move his hips back and forth, thrusting into his open fist. He shuddered in pleasure and dared himself to tighten his fist and his mouth fell open, moaning “fuck” every few seconds. His hand moved from pressing against the border of the mirror to gripping onto it and grunting every time he bucked his hips, his fingertips now turning white and slightly painful from how desperately he was holding onto it.

“Mmmhh…” He groaned lowly, feeling himself pulsate madly in his grip.

“You’re being so good to yourself, Severus,” Her reflection purred, “Does it feel nice to allow yourself to give in to your desires?”

Severus couldn't even fathom a verbal response. His jerking wrist was now working in time with his hips, his lips pressed firmly together to try and not allow any louder moans to pass through them. His fist twisted and moved in perfect rhythm, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, he was doing it without guilt. His eyes which would usually be squeezed shut to try and block out the shame were — albeit heavy — wide open and burning into hers. There wasn't a thing that could stop him at this point, not even the fact that he hadn't locked the door. He was so focused on chasing his release at this point, he couldn't even spare himself a moment to reach for his wand and cast a spell to lock it, either.

“Ugh, fuck, I…” He inhaled sharply, “I-I’m so close…” His breathing became even more jittery, “S…”

“Are you going to cum, Severus?” Her reflection asked, biting her lip.

“Y—Yes… yes!” He whined helplessly, his fist firing relentlessly up and down his entire length.

“Are you going to cum for me, Severus?” Her voice was the most seductive thing he had ever heard.

His thighs tensed and the flickering sparks in the pit of his stomach grew into embers and began to rise higher and higher, earning a jolt of his hips into his hand. He quickly removed his hand from the mirror and placed it just beneath the tip of his length, his jaw tensing and toes curled, suddenly feeling the pleasure of a thousand summer days spent with her hit him all at once in some form of sticky euphoria as his climax began to land upon his cupped hand. He felt dizzy with pleasure and had no choice other than to place his hand back against the border of the mirror again to steady himself whilst his other hand was far too busy pumping up and down his length — the orgasm of which was now spraying against the mirror itself.

“Oh, g—good, god!” Severus’ voice was practically strangled, the veins in his neck almost popping out as his head swung back in ecstasy, “Fuck! Mmmh!” His fist continued to pump recklessly up and down his length and his eyes rolled back, string after string of its effect continuing to land upon the mirror. His wrist ached but the movements continued, grunting breathlessly as he refused to stop.

“Severus, Severus,” She whispered softly as his head remained tilted back, “Say my name…” She spoke in a firm but gentle voice.

Severus regained the strength to lift his head again and opened his eyes, twitching cock still in hand and feeling his heart skip a beat once their eyes met again. He swallowed hard and panted heavily, paying no mind to the mess he had made upon the mirror now trailing down the surface of it. The relief he felt was like something he had barely ever experienced. Euphoric, guilt free relief.

“Say it.” She whispered again, smiling sweetly.

Severus licked his lips shakily, his eyes flickering to the reflection of her lips in the mirror and leaned forward. He pursed his lips and allowed his eyes to fall shut as they pressed upon the mirror itself whilst whispering, “Lilly.”

He placed his hand flat upon the mirror at the side of his head in some hope of being able to feel her. His lips remained pressed against the mirror in some hope he would be able to taste her. He couldn't. It was just cold. Numb. And when he pulled back to gaze upon Lilly’s reflection in the mirror once more, so was his heart. She was gone.

He felt like his heart had been completely torn out of his chest. His eyes welled with tears; frustration, heartbreak, shock and sadness all mixed into one. His hand pressed against the mirror again as if hers would be there to touch it on the other side. Still nothing.

“N—No… no.” His lip quivered, desperately trying to think of any way to bring her back to him again, “Tell me it wasn't real…” He inhaled shakily, “Tell me I just imagined it…” His burning, tear filled eyes stared back at only his own reflection, “No, no, no!” His self-loathing surging through his veins like never before, “My heart is already breaking, why don't you just twist the fucking knife?!”

He felt beyond overwhelmed with emotion, as if he was about to hyperventilate as he panted. In a moment of both weakness and madness, his fist pounded against the mirror a couple of times, though only for want to hurt himself rather than the reflection of her that once stood there. The room was silent despite his sobs. He forced his red eyes open and parted his trembling lips, shaking his head as he stared helplessly into the mirror whilst whimpering.

“I just…” He inhaled deeply, pleading loud in his voice now, “I just cannot face myself alone again.”

He turned himself around and leant back against the mirror, sliding down it with the hope of landing and sleeping in herembrace at last. He buried his face in his hands and continued to bawl, tears now seeping through his fingers and trailing down his wrists. Anyone who walked past the room would think that something was dying inside, but to Severus it felt as if something already had; a wound that had already been far from healed ripped wide open again and stinging him all the more this time in the process. He felt what it was like to have her there with him and then lose her right in front of him all over again.

‘Why had she gone? This wasn't how the mirror worked.’, were the words whizzing around his head. He hated that he had come to this conclusion, but he saw no other way; deep down, he would never want her to see him like this; miserable, embarrassed, alone. His desire was for her to tell him that giving in to what he desired most was okay, and she did that. She saw him with his lustful, loyal eyes. She saw him allowing himself to feel pleasure after all these years of avoiding it, feeling unworthy. He didn't desire for her to see how he really felt now that she was gone and the years since. She really only ever got the better version of him, and even subconsciously he made sure of that.

He had never really known love until it came to him in the form of her, and he felt as if his heart was no longer needed ever since she was no longer here. He knew even if he did allow himself to feel for someone who wasn't her, she would always be the constant in his life — regardless of whether she was living, a reflection, or not here at all. She lived so deeply in his heart she was almost like a dagger; if removed, he would die. The promise he made because of her kept him alive. Though far gone from this world, she kept him alive.

“Lilly…” He finally removed his hands and rubbed his puffy eyes, sniffling, “Oh, my sweet Lilly,” He swallowed the lump in his throat, wiping under his eyes, “Don't leave me in charge of my own heart. It only knows you.”

He heard the rain hit against the window and took a deep breath. Even the sky was crying, mourning with him all over again. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. The infatuated reflections plagued by self-loathing, the once guilt-free pleasure that he felt only a few moments ago was gone, just like her, and only left him wondering how it was possible for something so beautiful to cause him such pain.

---

Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know your thoughts 🫢😁♥️

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animeyanderelover · 5 months ago

Note

hello! happy new years! thank you as always for the great work! here come my two requests, which are repeats of old ones ive made before

1. Darling is in love with the yanderes, yet when they confess, darling rejects them because of their bad reputation with romance in general (yanderes of your choice)

2. Darling asks yandere to fake date them, and by the time they become obsessed, the darling is already done with whatever they needed (yanderes of your choice)

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, manipulation, stalking

Tags: @flaming-vulpix @iloveeyanderes

Please pretend to date me!

Matsuoka Rin

🦈You have no choice but to seek him out as you don't know who else you should approach in college with your recent problem. Rin and you attended the same highschool and you dare to think that the both of you are somewhat close. Initially Rin is against the idea, unsure if your plan to fake date him is the right way to solve your problem but ultimately he caves in when you start turning upset and desperate to the point of tears. Both of you set boundaries though as neither of you wants to make the other one too uncomfortable. You manage to successfully fool everyone with the act as Rin is quite convincing with his act and you are just as convincing. It's the first time both of you have spent so much time together and you're somewhat glad for this chance as you secretly always wanted to get to know Rin better but never could because he was so preoccupied with swimming during highschool. Rin feels similar to you. He never realised just how sweet and adorable you are until now and he has already decided that he would like to stay in contact with you even after this act is over. Weirdly enough the thought that this all is going to be over soon has been bothering him more and more recently...

🦈Just when Rin has started to realise what has been happening to him lately you suddenly announce to him that you have gotten what you wanted and that the both of you don't need to act like a couple anymore. You may as well have just punched him in the gut without any warning, the news having him forget how to breathe for a couple of seconds before he slowly gains a semblance of control again and gives you a nervous smile. That's quite sudden, don't you think? Are you sure that the problem has been solved? Maybe the two of you should pretend for a while longer to be absolutely sure. He wants more time, needs more time, to come up with a plan on how to proceed with his new feelings that have recently bubbled to life yet you cut him off without giving him any chance to work this out. You brush all of his attempts to coax you into giving it more time off though and Rin has in that moment no other choice but to force a grin on his face and let you off the hook, the smile only dropping as soon as you are out of his sight. He knows that this was only a temporary thing from the beginning but you can't just expect him to act like nothing happened after you made him fall in love with you.

🦈He's not going to kid himself, he knows that what he is feeling is not an ordinary love. It's something that could potentially turn into something really ugly and if possible he would like to avoid using dirtier methods. That's why he has a talk with you alone where he confesses his feelings for you yet once again you shoot him down and make it very clear that you have no interest in him. The wide grin revealing all of his pointed teeth gives you a bad feeling though he merely states that he understands before he leaves you alone there with a bed feeling in your stomach. He doesn't leave you alone from that day on, always next to you as soon as he sees you with a carefree grin on his face whilst a possessive arm is suddenly swung around your body, pressing you closer to him. You have little tolerance for this and soon reprimand him, demanding him to stop acting like the both of you are actually a thing and confusing people around you. Rin only gives you a deceivingly sweet grin before telling you bluntly no. The both of you are a thing. Or would you like him to reveal the truth to the people you had him pretending to be your boyfriend for to bring back the troubles you avoided because of him?

Komaeda Nagito

⚪From all the students that you could have asked for help you somehow decide to settle for Nagito. He is rather strange and weird yet you have a keen eye and have noticed that he seems to not see himself in the same light as other Ultimates, as undeserving to be in this school and you plan to use that as an advantage as an Ultimate yourself. It is just as you expected and your acting skills only add to this all as you come to him as a damsel in distress and beg of his help, tears swimming in your eyes and your lips wobbly as you tell him that he is the only one who can help you. He agrees swiftly, answering in his own dramatic rambling that an Ultimate like you shouldn't have to despair like this and that he will happily be of asset to you so that you may find your hope again. Deep down Nagito latches on quickly to your idea, willing to be a stepping stone for you to shine even brighter as a bringer of hope. He wants to be useful, wants to help you and deep down a part of him hopes that his help may even lead you to give him appreciation and love, something he secretly craves for.

⚪As weeks pass by and both of you pretend to be a couple you start getting to know him better and soon you start feeling guilty for the way you previously thought of him. You realise that a lot of his off behavior seems to be a coping mechanism due to his own luck that always beings tragedy with it, his cheerfullness not genuine and his own self-loathing going deeper than you expected it to be. It is this guilt that causes you to be nicer to him, your attempts genuine as you try to understand him better and help him with this cursed luck of his. You couldn't have done a worse thing in that moment. The attention and the care you feed him quickly festers an obsession within Nagito. The way you look at him, talk to him and even gently touch him at times to stop him from talking down on himself soon has him beyond addicted as he swears to be your stepping stone to help you shine as the brightest hope out there. Only you can be the hope he has been wishing for. Only you can be his hope he has been yearning for for so long.

⚪It's his disturbing obsession that ultimately causes you to quickly cut ties with him as soon as your problem has been solved and initially you fear for the worst when you tell him this, a careful distance between the two of you. You do not expect that calm smile on his face, a blissful look in his eyes as he starts talking about how glad he is that he could be of use to you and that it's alright that you don't want to be with him anymore. He does not demand your love but the only thing he wishes for is for you to keep on using him for your own gain. He'll sacrifice his sleep, his reputation and his health for you as long as he can keep on being useful to you as he goes down on his knees, his hands clasped together as he looks at you with a disturbing amount of reverence that has you running away. Degrade and insult him all you want or even fear him if you want to, it won't stop him following you around and clinging to you like a leech. He's your obedient lap dog who will do even unspeakable crimes for you if he believes it to be in your own good. He will never reach your greatness nor does he think that he is deserving of your love but he shall cherish the little time he got as your boyfriend forever.

Han Solo

You have met enough people to know how to convince someone like Han Solo to agree to your conditions. With the right price, a few compliments to feed into his ego and a tad bit of seduction you have him agreeing to your condition to play along in your little game long enough until you have resolved your problems in which case both of you can go your separate ways then again. You harbor no interest to keep in contact with him after everything is over but you do take your time to get to know him a bit considering that the both of you will have to act like a couple for a certain amount of times. Han Solo does his job though as he flirts with you, hangs around with you and dares to even touch you at times though you quickly let him know that he shouldn't be too handsy with you unless he wants to risk a bruised eye. Sometimes you have a feeling though that the bastard riles you up on purpose simply for the fun of it and that actually proves to be true when he eventually admits that he thinks it's quite cute to see you struggling to hold on to your self-control.

Han Solo has never been the type to see himself settling down or taking a permanent partner. His only partners are Chewbacca and his beloved Millennium Falcon and whilst he does enjoy the company of beautiful people and flirts with them, ultimately for him it is all about the money. That's why it takes him by surprise when he realises that he has started developing actual feelings for you that go beyond his usual light-hearted flirting. He may not show it but Chewbacca definitely notices that something is wrong with his partner and the Wookiee has known his partner long enough to realise what it is that is troubling Han Solo so deeply as he catches him secretly looking at you with almost longing in his eyes though the conflict is just as apparent. Luckily you do not understand his language or otherwise Chewbacca would have blown his secret already as the Wookiee starts teasing Han Solo sometimes about his new crush only for Han to give him a glare before telling his friend to shut up.

When you pay Han for his service and let him know that you are done with what you needed to do he is almost offended with how easily you just drop him off. Sure, this was the plan from the very beginning but have you not learned to appreciate him even a tiny bit during the weeks the two of you were togeher? Apparently not and initially his pride gets in the way as he just marches away, muttering curses as he foolishly assumes that perhaps travelling through space with his Millennium Falcon and entertaining himself on other planets will help him to forget about you. It only takes him a few weeks to return to your planet though with the grim realisation that his attraction has gotten out of hand though he scoffs when you ask him if he has returned for you, playing his feelings down as he merely states that he is free to go wherever you want and that not everything is about you. Needless to say though, it's going to be a new step for him as Han has to learn how to handle his newfound feelings as well as his increasing jealousy when you hang out with other guys. Are you really settling for just any loser?

Fred Weasley & George Weasley

It is quite hard to catch the twins in a moment alone as they are basically together all the damn time. That's why you instantly jump on one of them as soon as you catch him alone, truly not caring who it is. From all the people you could think about the Weasley twins seems to be the best option as they love pranking others and what you are about to do is essentially also a prank which is why you think that those two would be up for it. It's George that you have in front of you and as you beg him and to help you you can only be releaved when he tells you that it sounds quite interesting and agrees to help you. You don't know what you expected but somehow you aren't surprised when the next morning him and Fred both approach you with Fred telling you that your plan sounds quite devious as you essentially plan to lie to your own family to save yourself some serious trouble. Count him in. Well, perhaps it's not too bad that both of them are there to assist you with your plan as one can simply pretend to be the other without anyone noticing who doesn't know them closely. They even fool you like this at times to mess with you a bit, your angry reaction always adorable.

Both of them share essentially one heart and brain so neither of them is really surprised when they find out that somewhere along the line both of them have become quite fond of you. They don't even have to say it out loud. Both of them merely share a long look before nodding, instantly agreeing to share you. It's perhaps time for the duo to become a trio at last. They do not tell you that yet though, the pranksters inside of them wanting to mess with you for a bit longer whilst also planning how to keep you by their side even after the situation for you is finally over. They turn their flirty behavior around you up a couple of notches though to perhaps tease their feelings a bit to you without confirming them which leaves you at the end of the day always second-guessing everything. Yet you still remain unsure if you're just imagining things or not until the very end where you have solved the crisis and thank both of them for their help. Both of them just give you a grin with a thumb up, telling you that it was nothing and that they gladly helped you. You kind of look at them for a few seconds, expecting something only to leave slightly confused.

Perhaps you really were just seeing things after all is what you tell yourself when you go that night to bed. The next few days are fairly calm with nothing exceptional happening until both twins suddenly pop up in your life as if nothing happened, both still heavily flirting with you and doing all their tricks. They have invented all sorts of magical trinkets solely for the purpose to fluster and flatter you whilst making it obvious to everyone else that things have not ended between the three of you at all. You have little balls exploding over your head before it rains rose pedals all over you, heart-shapped bubbles floating towards you that both of them blow your way and little paper birds flying towards you, containing cheeky notes and confessions. You're torn apart between annoyance and flattery but the both of you had a deal that is now over so you ask both of them to please stop what they're doing. Both of them only give the other a cheeky look before they simply "nope" your request. They'll keep on messing with you like this as well as anyone else who thinks that they have a shot with you now. You three are a trio now and you don't get to walk out of it now.

Monkey D. Luffy

🍖The Strawhats are currently on your island to stock up on food and other stuff, taking a short break and to you there couldn't have been a more perfect time for pirates to appear. You have been lying to your parents for quite a while now to avoid an arranged marriage, told them that you were together with someone already who was just travelling around a lot. Luffy is simply the first one you happen to stumble upon and in your desperation you instantly kneel in front of him, begging him to help you so that your parents would finally stop in their attempts to marry you off to someone else you don't even love. You've always heard the scary tales of pirates before and normally you would be very hesitant to approach one as you have always only ever heard bad stories of them robbing, killing and hurting people yet you are surprised when this one tells you with a smile on his face to stand up and that he will help you gladly, his kind smile reassuring you as you wipe youe tears away and give him a tentative grin of your own.

🍖Never in your life would you have estimated the first pirate you ever meet in your life to be someone like Luffy. He's a grown child in almost every sense but as stubborn and gullible as he can be he is just as compassionate and kind which takes you by surprise. You were raised to believe that all pirates would be out for blood and chaos yet Luffy doesn't care about treasure and riches as his sole dream is to be the King of the Pirates and to find the One Piece. You can't help but support him in his dream and soon you find yourself spending time with his crew almost everyday, happily showing them around your island and what makes your home so special. You have fun with all of them but the most time you still find yourself spending with Luffy who seems to cling to you like a koala to a tree. Sometimes his clinginess tends to overwhelm you a bit, his hand excitedly clutching yours as soon as he sees something that sparks that childish curiosity within him. You tend to forgive it though as you know that he is only playing his role... Right?

🍖It is far too late already when you tell him eventually that the both of you don't need to pretend anymore as your parents have reluctantly stopped now that they believe that you already have someone. Yet as soon as your words leave your lips Luffy merely tilts his head confused. Pretending? What are you talking about? Apparently Luffy has stopped seeing this as a mere act long ago. The both of you are together in his eyes, you are already part of his crew. You struggle to explain to him that he is simply imagining things yet you are caught off guard when he asks you if you haven't been happy with him and had fun with his crew. That's when you find your breath stuttering as he unbeknownst to him targets a sensitive spot in you. He's right though, you have had more fun with his crew than you had in your home yet it is the fear of the unknown and other pirates that leads you to reject his offer to join his crew. You'd be wrong though in your belief that Luffy would accept a no for an answer, especially since you are his lover. Don't you love him? You can only pray that your parents won't find out not only that everything was a bluff but also that you asked a pirate of all people for help.

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